Across The Stars (Series One)
by BioticShadow
Summary: Hi everyone, this is a fan fiction about mshenko but as teenagers. its thought the eyes of kaidan. its just about there relationship and school. It explores there relationship at teenagers, also its set in this day. Feel free to comment! enjoy!
1. Lucky Day

**Hi everyone, after last week, i had chosen to go back and rewrite my mass effect teen fan-fiction This is set in modern day, there all in high school (11th grade) and this chapter starts on the first day of school. I have also chosen to name each chapter after songs i like, but over all the name of story is "across the stars" i guess thats it, enjoy! feel free to comment. **

Could it my, could it be my,Could it be my lucky day?

I like a phone call, I like to hear something like this.

A conversation,That maybe leads into a kiss

I Lay in my bed as I heard the music play, Today Is the first day of School. I hope for something new this year, every year is the same. It starts and then it ends nothing exciting happens in between.

Its about 7:20 and I have to be at school by 8, so I have some time.

I hope out of bed and drag my way to the shower.

After my shower I stand and watch my closet I have no idea what to wear. So I just decided to play it safe I pick a plan v-neck and some dark jeans, Oh and a jacket. Now it's about 7:40 and I am in no rush.

I make my way downstairs, my mother is still sleeping I wish I could still be sleeping.

I head in the kitchen to find a slice of toast. With a note on it : Good luck

I smile and make my way out to walk to school, I get my bag and am off.

I like walking when the weather is like this, cold but not too cold. But then again this is Vancouver it's always cold. My school is almost a mile away from my home, so I walk. Plus ever since last year I walk everywhere, that's less then ten minutes away. Anymore I have to get a ride.

I walk in to the building, the warmth from inside hits me right in the face.

I look at my phone it's 8:02, am a few minutes late.

While I walk though the hallways it's as if nothing has changed. It always looks the same.

I open the door to my home room, Ms. Samara. She's also my English teacher. She's in the late 30s, very wise, and always dresses to kill. Her class is also the hardest.

I wave to her and take my sit, and I look around to see the same faces.

Wrex and grunt(I don't really know his first name.) They always sit together. There are also distance cousins but they were friends even before that.

Then next to them is Miranda and Jacob. A match-made in heaven. A football player and a cheerleader. I think if there were popular people in this school it would be Miranda.

next to them would be my group; Liara, tali, morden and sometimes garrus. Well when he's not hanging out with James and Steve.

This is a group of nerds whether it be science,tech, or just you enjoy school. This would be your place.

Next would be Steve and James, both really nice guys, they both moved last year. There so different between on an other but they really make it work.

The last person in my class would be jack.

Everyone is afraid of her. I think she is pretty cool, but she to some is a bit off-putting. We have most of the same classes, last year we would always talk. I hope it's the same this year.

But this year, there was someone new to add. John Shepard.

He walked in, and handed a note to Samara then took a sit next to the door.

He had gray like eyes, and short black hair & he wasn't too tall. He was wearing a basic tee, and some dark skinny jeans. Oh lets not forget the biker boots. I wanted to talk to him, but for now I was going to watch him from a far. He seemed a bit distance but I guess that was because that was his first day at a new school.

The rest of the day was just like every first day of school. I was making my way out to the parking lot, I see him and his motorcycle, he's that kind of guy. We have most of the same classes and today In third period our eyes met and they pierced though me. He barely spoke a word that whole day.

In his eyes I see power. As walked though the parking lot, I take occasional glances at him. Then as I get closer to the exit, He zooms off and am left to wonder will I try tomorrow?

The next could no come any faster.

The first half of my day was just like yesterday, I had decided that I would make my move at lunch.

He sat alone, and just had a "coke". I make my way to his table and take a sit.

"Hi my name is kaidan ." I have a big nice smile on my face, very friendly.

"He looks up, Um my names john?" He looks a bit confused.

"I just wanted to say hi, plus am in most of your classes."

"And?" Same look.

"I didn't know that I couldn't say hi to people." At this point my tone is a little pointed,

He just looks at me blank eyes. "Look Um kaidan , right? I don't really need any friends ok. Sorry…"

I just sigh and get up and walk away.

I head into the bathroom and wash my hands. I just could not believe the nerve of that guy.. fucking ass hole.

The rest of the day is the same as yesterday, but now I pass him in every class.

He just watches me. Like look I understand, you're not interested. But now you need to piss off.

I Hear the bell go off, I start to pack my bag to go home. I leave the class, and the building.

I see him standing over his bike, getting ready to leave. I turn the other way.

He calls my name. I almost passes though me, like a cold breeze. Am not going to lie I think he's attractive. But I never make the first move. Then again I have never made any move.

I walk over, I think he can tell by the way I look at him. That am not having it.

I wave and say "hi can I help you?"

I see him roll his eyes a bit, "Look am sorry for being a dick at lunch, it just that it hard being the new kid"

"I understand but, I was being nice you're the one with the stick in your ass."

His eyes wide a bit, I don't think he thought I was going to put him in his place. "look", he scratched the back of his head. "Can we start over, hi my names john" theirs a faint smile.

Ok "my name's kaidan and I kind of have some place to be now"

He leans on his bike I see that look in his eyes, "Can I give you a ride"

"Nah lets same that for another day" I wink and walk away.

I walk away with a big smile on my face, maybe this will be my lucky day?


	2. Blue Jeans

"_Blue jeans, white shirt, Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn._

_It was like, James Dean, for sure, You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer,_

_You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop, But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know._

_That love is mean, and love hurts, But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!"_

I Woke up, confused. But at least I was in my bed. I turn to look at my phone. It's 3 in the afternoon. I kind of remember what happen last night.

I remember going to a party with my friends, Shepard was there.

And now am wearing his jacket. It smells like him.

So about last night well I remember getting ready with liara, I was going to hitch a ride to the party with her. So I figure that it would be smart for me to get ready there to so I did, then we both went to the party together.

The party started around 8, It was at some guys house. He didn't go to our school so I could give less of a shit about what I was going to do.

But while we were there liara, forgot to tell me that she had texted Shepard to come to the party.

It been almost two weeks since I kind of told him off, And I have played hard to get.

So am their dancing having a good time. I see him from the corner of my eyes. In what I would consider his signature look. Blue jeans, a basic tee, some biker boots, and a leather jacket. Which I have now. He walks up to and looks me up and down, and smiles.

"you look nice tonight, am glad you dressed up for me" that cocky smile again. I have really come to hate it but it turns me on.

"Oh this, sorry not it's for you" I stand just looking at him

"Really, cause I see how you look at me"

"Sorry if you were expecting something else." I smile and begin to walk away.

He pulls me by my back hand, and gets in real close. Then he kisses.

Am really glad cause playing hard to get, is just a bit tiring.

He pulls back and gives me yet again that cocky boy smile.

He leans in to whisper in my ear. "You want to get out of here"

Before I even know it, am on the back of his motorcycle riding in the dark going to who knows where.

He pulls up by a park, we both get off then he pulls me to a specific spot. As if he's been here before.

I don't even know what time it is, but all I know is that I don't want it to end.

After a few minutes of walking he takes to a part of the park, where theirs no trees just sky.

He tells me to sit, then he takes a seat. Then both are heads as if they were in sync look up to just see the stars.

He takes my hand. It's like my body lit up at that very moment.

He pushes me down then hops on top and we start making out.

I can't tell you how long I have waited for this. Every moment, every conversation, every look. This was in the making.

I can feel the heat from his skin, he might run hotter than other people. Or it's just because of this moment.

He stops, and just looks at me. I can see pure happiness in his eyes.

He rolls off and still holding hands we look at the sky..

we lay in silence till he breaks it

"So I guess you got what you wanted?"

"please don't act like you did want it either"

he looks at me "i guess you right."

I smile "trust me am always right"

we slowly start making our way back to the bike to head home. He gives me his jacket cause it starts to get cold.

We both hope on, by this time my phone has died. If my mom calls me and I don't pick up.

Lets just say I might have hell when I get home.

We ride though the night I just keep looking at the star, with the wind in my hair.

I feel really free..

Then I realize joy ride is over he pulls up at my house. I open my eyes, hope off.

I wave goodbye, he rides off again.

I slowly make my way to the front door, and slowly open the door.

The light is off, so my mom is most likely in bed sleeping.

I make my way though the living room and head up the stairs.

I literally just take off my shoes and just jump in to bed...

So I think that's what happen last night.

Plus I have a text from Shepard to prove it,

Shep : I want my leather jack I back. ;)

kaidan: come and get it...

Shep: see you in 30?

kaidan: Fine.

He pulls up in front of my house.

I walk outside and hand it too him, he takes it.

Then he pulls the top of his helmet. You know the cover like the plastic part so you can speak.

"I see you're wearing the same thing from last night, I guess you really had a good time."

"What time did I get home"

"look I really don't know, plus my phone died"

he looks at me as if I should know.

"Um I think around 4, is that why your still wearing the same thing?"

"i would assume so, I was tired"

He laughs at me, then looks at me and asks me if I would like to go out tonight.

I said yes, and I regular fashion, he closes the plastic part, and rides off.

I sigh happily.

It all started with "Blue jeans, and a white shirt."


	3. Seal It With A Kiss

"_Come here closer, don't be shy Cross my heart and hope to die Keep the secret me and you And seal it with a kiss In the shadows where it's hot Know the risk of getting caught Wanna taste forbidden fruit And seal it with a kiss When you look at me There is no mistaking Like telepathy I know what you thinking That you want me like that Yeah, you want me like that" _

Seal it with a kiss, i whisper in his ear. He kisses me and walks away, it's been almost a month and a half since we have gone out. this weekend Shepard is having lunch with my Mother. on that same night am having dinner with his parents. So I guess my day is really packed.

I Head to bed with the hope that everything well be fine. But after lunch I can't control anything. So fingers crossed. I have been really waiting for this day to come, I hope my mother likes him. But as long as am happy she could really care less.

I could barely sleep, when it comes to things like this I tend to stress. I guess it just me being a bit of a perfectionist. Every hour I would just keep checking my phone for the time. I think it got really bad when I texted Shepard around two to ask if he could sleep. He was probably asleep, he plays it so cool but I know he cares. I Wish I could be like that. Relaxed.

It got really bad when around five, I started to rearrange my closet. Oh and I started to clean my room. So after that I went to go take a shower, That only lasted for an hour, so It was around seven. By this time Shepard texted me back,

Shepard: Hey, sorry I didn't get back to you. I was sleeping.

Kaidan: No its fine, sorry for texting you so early.

Shepard: couldn't sleep?

Kaidan: Nope, I freaked out again I want everything to just go well. You know?

Shepard: you need to just chill sometime, you can't control everything & I understand.

Shepard: please try to get some sleep.

Kaidan: fine, I will see you at three. Night.

I just don't know what to do, maybe if I lay in bed. Something will happen.

Crap! What time is it, I quickly look at my phone its 2:45 . I hear my mother calling me, and I have a few unread messages. Fuck! I Finley fell asleep but I over slept, I was going to make lunch for all of us. Fantastic.

I open to the door to, yell down the stairs that I can hear her.

"I will be there soon"

I yell out, I run into my room. I just grab the first thing in my closet change & and run down the stairs

I don't even have time to get anything, i run grab my mom and were out. A few minuets later i while were in the car, i text Shepard

Kaidan: Change of plans, am coming to get you for lunch.

Shepard: why, oh let me guess you over slept & am ready.

Kaidan: were coming right now, and yes.. i was going to make lunch but now were going out.

Shepard: Ok, text me when you get here.

I put the phoned down and, i start talking to my mom.

Before i can even say anything she starts the conversation. "So, where do you want to go for lunch?" i Look at her, "No were specific" She nods, and continues to drive.

The rest of the car ride is quite. We pull up the Shepard's home, my mother honks her horn.

He peeks though the window and begins to walk out, I get out of the car to sit in the backseat with him. As I walk out I hug him, and let him in first. Then I slide in. I can see my mother looking at him though the rear view mirror, it's a bit creepy, then she says hello. I close the door, and the rest of the car ride is just as I expected it to be. Quite. Really quite.

The ride was long, but worth it. We pull up at one of my favorite Chinese restaurant

But somehow the food was irrelevant. I think I was far more interested in the conversation that was going on between john and my mother. It all started when my mom decided to play 20 questions, of things I really don't want to hear my boyfriend say to my mother.

I think the worst thing she asked him, "Are you sexually active" I think almost lost it, all I could do was look at her. Like of all the things you could ask him.

I think his response was well worth it. All he said was "Um" then he begin to cough. I think after that my mom decided to lay off, well at least on that topic. The rest of the questions, "what do you want to do for the rest of your life.", "are you a good student", and things like that.

But she really set the bar with this one, "Why do you want to date my son"

when I first heard her said that, well that sounds like something my father would say. So I was really confused. But am happy with what he said. "Well I like your son, I think that's enough to prove why."

I think my mother liked that he was able to be honest with her. The rest of the conversation was just small talk. Which I want no part of. I can't stand small talk.

The ride home was just like the ride here, but Shepard was coming home with me.

We make it home, and I just run upstairs with Shepard & The first thing to spill out my mouth.

"Am sorry about my mom, it's just she sometimes has to play both roles. Cause my father is never here, and when he is it just us as a family."

"Kaidan don't worry, I understand that. It fine."

"Am glad, plus I think she likes you." I smile as I make my way to the closet to change.

He just sits on my bed. "your going to change?"

"Yah. Why? Should i?" I look back at him

"Well it's up to you, I think you look fine."

I look down cause I hate blushing in front of him. But I know he loves it when I do.

"Hey Kaidan can I brow a dress shirt?"

"Why" I look at him with a bit of a confused face.

"Well." he starts to scratch the back of his head "Well, for dinner"

"all you have to do is ask" I hand him a plan white button up.

"Can I use your bathroom to change"

"Yah go ahead, its fine, you know you don't need to ask for everything"

he gets up and walks to the bathroom. I move to the bed to just lay.

I hear the bathroom open, I see him step out.

All I can think to my self. "Man Shepard does clean up well"

After a few minutes of chit-chat we both head out for dinner.

I walk over, the sun begins to go down.

We hold hands as we walk there, am loving every minute of this.

We get to his home, he knocks on the door. His father opens the door and Shepard steps in.

I put out my hand for him to sake it. We sake hands and I walk in. am lead to the living room, were Shepard is sitting. I take a seat next him, and it's just small talk. But then Shepard mother tells her husband to go and check on the roast. At this point I just start to look around, and ask Shepard what are the names of his parents. "Um Shepard what are your parents names?"

"Shit, kaidan sorry, my dads name is Jeff and my mother's Edy."

"thank you" I sigh and begin to walk around to look at all there Nick-nacks

I notice there are no pictures of john when he was younger, "Shep, why aren't there any pictures of you"

I turn to him, he still sitting so he looks back at me. "Kaidan am adopted."

"What?"

"Yeah, I came into my parents lives almost four years ago"

he can see the look on my face "you Ok?"

"Yeah, am fine I just didn't know"

I hear someone walking down the stairs, it Shepard mother, Edy.

She walks down, wearing this modern yet vintage style dress. It was black to match her heels. Which were black pumps. She had light hair. she looks like a perfect house-wife.

We all made are way to the dinning room, were well all sat down, to be honest when I walked in to the room, it look like a picture out of a 'Martha Stewart' magazine. It matched the rest of their house, beautiful..

The rest of the evening was calm, until dinner was over and I was taken up to Shepard room.

I hear his dad yell, "Nothing X-rated up there"

"OK" Shepard yells.

He opens the door.

I walk in, then with one hand pushes me on the bed, and the other closes the door.

Then slowly makes his way to me, gets on top and we start to make out.

It's so passionate, he pulls up "God I have waited to get you alone all night."

He cocks his eye brow and continues. "I know you want this, I can see that look in your eyes"

He puts his hand underneath my shirt, and just keeps going.

Till he starts touching my zipper, "No Shepard" I say to him.

"Am not ready" he removes his hand and rolls off.

"Am sorry am just not ready"

"Don't worry kaidan I don't want to push to do something you don't want"

I smile, and he returns it.

My mom texts me and well kills the mood.

Mom: When you getting home?

"Hey Shepard, am going to head home"

"Ok, I will walk you home"

We both head out hand in hand, I say goodbye to both his parents And were out.

I love walking when the moon is out, and so are the stars.

It's quite, but I break the silence.

"Shepard, why didn't you tell me you were adopted?"

"Didn't think it matted"

"Plus it's no like talking about where I come from"

he looks at me

"Kaidan, Both my parents were in the military when they met, then my mom got pregnant with me, and they both retired. But after my mom had me, I don't think they could both handle having a child so they both turned to drugs plus the post traumatic stress."

I look at him as he keeps going

"So from a young age I had to things on my own. Till social works found out both my parents were drug addicts I was put in the system around 13, shortly after that My mother died, and so did my father.

A little after both Jeff and edy adopted me."

he stops to take a breath, "So I guess it's not a super sad story" and smiles at me.

Were coming up to my house, "So where does the name Shepard come from?"

"It was my mothers last name, and I was named after my dad whose name was john."

"So you keep their name"

"Yeah I mean it keeps their memory, they were good people till they came home."

I smile and we reach my house, I kiss him and wish him a good night.

He kisses me again,

"Kaidan I would like to keep this between us" "ok?"

"Yah, it's fine"

And we sealed it with a kiss...


	4. Nothing On (But The Radio)

**WARNING there is some sexy time in this story, if you don't like it just wait till the next chapter. that is all Enjoy  
**

"I'm calling just to tell you,

Get here and I'll make it worth your while.

I can make you some food. Boy, and then I can make you smile.'Cause I've got nothing on but the radio,And I've got nothing on for tonight. (Nothing) Nothing on but the radio, And I'm tuned into your station tonight, With me tonight. You better get here soon, Or you know what I will do. Got too much time on my hands. Wait 'til I get my hands on you. 'Cause I've got nothing on but the radio,"

I Heard the music play, & thought We've been going out for almost four months, and tonight was night. I was going to give him every part of me. I have laid in bed wondering, what's it going to be like. To say am not nervous might be an understatement.

My mother was going out-of-town tonight, so I took this opportunity to have a bit of a sleepover. The thing is my mother already knows, why hide it…

I need to go out and buy some things. I wave good-bye to my mother, and head out. I walk to the little pharmacy near are home. it takes about 5 or 6 minutes to get there by foot, I like walking to places. plus I find it a good way to clear my mind on anything that is going on in my life. Like my fight with liara, we haven't spoken since I told her I've been going out with john. I think what upsets me the most about are little argument. She won't tell me why she's pissed.

You would think she'd be happy for me, Nope she gets upset and Ignores you for weeks on end. I Don't like the simple fact that there is no communication about what's going on. Whatever tonight is such a big night for me, well when I told Shepard I down played it, so he think am a big loser or something.

But it's really important to me, I walk into the store and wave to the girl who works there her name is Kasumi. I met her last year when she moved here. sweet, quite, oh and a big kleptomania tic. I think that's why she was kicked out of her old school. I don't really want to ask though. It doesn't really bother me. she's always been sweet to me. I think she also moved because her boyfriend died, Though she always remember him. He would make videos of their time together. That's so romantic.

I walk around the store looking for specific things.

I pull out my phone to look a the list of things I need tonight.

Condoms, candles (You know for setting the mood), & some chips.

Well I only really need on thing on this list, so every thing is optional. I walk though the aisles looking for things. I first start with some candles. I think lavender is good, but I read online that It makes people sleepy, so maybe not. After spending more than five minutes in the candles section I would just rather spray the bed with perfume. I start making my way to the front of the store when I see some chips, I pick up a bag and keep walking.

I make my way to the front counter, where the condoms are.

Am nervous to ask. I mean why should I be, its normal. Plus they should have them where everyone can pick some up! I mean safe sex is important. Right?

I lay all my things on the counter, which is only on thing, then as she ringing me up. I ask for a box..

I say it with a straight face. I can see her giggling she hands me a box.

"Is that all" I can see she still laughing

to be honest I start to laugh as well. "No that will be all" I smile

"that will be 10.50" I hand her the cash and pick up the bag. I turn around to walk away and all I hear "Good luck" I start to blush.

I make my way back home, to find my mother is gone.

I walk into to check the fridge for any notes, yup she left one.

"I Will be back home in two days, be Safe & have fun"

I check the time, it's almost 6:30 I text Shepard to be here soon.

Kaidan: Hey, you can come over now.

Shapard: be there soon in like 30, ok?

Kaidan: yah that's fine. See you then.

Shapard: just wait till I get my hands on you.

Every part of my body light up, Am so ready for this. I go upstairs to clean and set up a bit.

I move somethings around, and fix my bed. Then I head into the bathroom.

I spray some 'Fame' and am ready, I hear the bike pull up in my front yard.

The nerves really set in, but I must act cool..

I run down the stairs, and calm down before I open the door, "Come in."

He walks in, cool, calm, and collected. While me on the other hand a freaking out.

He heads in the living room to sit down, when he sits I can see he's nervous too.

I ask him if he wants anything, "No thanks" at the end of the day, He's all talk.

And I love that about him.

So we both sit in silence. Waiting for something to happen.

We both look at each other, just waiting for one of us to say something.

"kaidan, Um do you want to head up to your room"

Finely I say to my self. "yeah I guess would be ok"

We begin to make the walk up the Stairs, with him leading the way.

He slow opens the door, and pulls me in, with one hand closes the door and the other pushing me in to the bed.

I lay looking up at him, he makes his way to me. Puts both hands on the bed and falls, he pulls up &

Begins to kiss me.

I can feel the heat come off him, by this time he's already taken of the jacket. He slowly starts to slip his hand underneath my shirt.

His touch send me off to another place.

He sits up to take off my shirt, and he takes off his.

He begins to rub his hands all over me. And then he moves his hands to me my jeans.

He fumbles with the buttons to tease me. Then slowly unzips my pants.

I let out a moan, then he moves to whisper in "i told you to wait till I got my hands on you"

he begins to kiss me all the way down, at this point he's not on the bed.

He slips off my underwear, and puts his mouth around my length. As he begins to suck, I start to moan.

It didn't take long for me to get there, but now it was his turn, He pushes me up the bed, so my head is touching the headboard. He hops on the bed, and drops both his pants and underwear.

He takes the box of condoms, and takes one out and pulls a thing of lube out his jacket pocket.

He pulls me by my thighs, to bring me closer to him.

I puts some lube on his hands to begin, I look at him with worried eyes.

"Don't worry, but if it hurts you have to tell me." I nod my head and he puts one finger in

I give a sorta confused look, like this doesn't hurt but it feels odd.

I nod again, he adds another finger to the mix. Still the same effect, he keeps moving them around. It feels sorta good, but here comes the real part.

He pulls the fingers out and slips the condom on, and puts a good amount of lube.

Without notice he slips it in, I pull away.

At this point he take my thighs and pulls me back, and now my legs are on his shoulders.

He beings to pump in and out, I start moan & So does he.

When things like this are this good, I begin to lose track of time.

I was pulled back in to reality, when he said "Oh kaidan"

When he came, he moved up to my checks and whispers in my ears

"This was worth the wait"

I say "It was"

he rolls over, and we both lay in bed..

I see him just laying looking at the dumb glow starts I put up as a child.

I move in closer to lay next to him, and lay on his chest.

"kaidan are those stars?"

"Yeah I put them up as a child"

"I like them" I don't even have to look at him, from the sound of his voice I can tell he's smiling.

I wake up the next day, with him next to me. He's still sleeping, so I quietly slip in the bathroom.

I wash my hands, and get a wet wipe to clean my face, and well other parts.

After am done, I walk out and pick up a some clean undies, and slip back in to the bathroom.

Slip them on, then open the bathroom door, and watch him sleep with my arms crossed. I whisper to my self.

"Wait till I get my hands on you"


	5. GlassHeart

**Hi every one am back with a new chapter for "across the stars" this is kind of a one shot. I will post another one soon, this is just a short little chapter. like I said there will be another one soon, then I think I might just jump in the new year for this story. Comments and reviews are appreciated! will be back soon. enjoy!**

* * *

"_Baby, I'm staring at a piece of us_

_Shattered on the sidewalk_

_Tragic, broken like a china doll_

_Burning like a gun shot_

_My heart was beating_

_And so was yours_

_We threw each other_

_Down on the floor_

_My heart is breaking_

_It's made of glass_

_I guess anything that's good never ever lasts._

_So baby if you love me, let me know_

_'Cause everything that hurts you've hurt before_

_You're about to tear this love apart_

_And break another glass heart."_

It's about to be 2:30

I should have fallen asleep already. But I keep thinking about him.

I don't know why am taking this so hard. Today I left Shepard and his family at the airport, they're going on there winter vacation they will be gone for at least a month. So I guess when he comes back he'll be two weeks behind in school. I don't know why that even matters to me. I just can't stand that am going to be alone, like I need him here to go on.

I feel in this relationship I need him more than he needs me. Like am always running to him, and he never runs to me. Either Shepard has no problems or he always keeps them a secret. I feel like I wear him out sometimes. But I don't know what to do. I don't want it get hurt, but am falling to hard & the worst part is that am the one falling. I know he loves me, but feel like it just me in this.

I don't what to annoy him, but everything I fall for someone I find my self alone not knowing why. I find him to be the light in my life, he lights up everything that was once Wong in my life. I just hope am not the problem.

- the next day -

I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I just keep thinking am going to fuck up, And I don't want to. He's really the best thing to happen to me. I just lay in bed, waiting for a text or something. I don't want to have start it, I want him to come to me. Time passes me. I fell asleep.

"Kadain, hunny you ok?" She's tapping my shoulder.

"Yeah am fine." I roll over and start cleaning my eyes

"Oh ok, cause earlier I was calling you but you didn't answer me"

she gets up, "I left you some pizza on your desk ok?"

She walks out the door and closes it softly. I get up and sit at my desk, But before I check my phone.

'No new messages'

I sign. This is agony. I keep telling my self that he'll call soon or even text. I start just looking up crap on my computer, this is something I do when am really board. "Did you know that cats sleep 70% of their lives." Yeah neither did I don't even have cats, I would like a cat though. I keep thinking my phone is going off, it Isn't. I think I should, just go to bed There's no point in being awake.

I slip back in to bed, I barely even ate. I guess their breakfast for tomorrow. I also find my self cuddling my phone. It 3 clock and it rings, I frantically pick it up "hello". Then I realize it's a text, am losing it..

'New text message'

Shepard: hey, sorry I haven't texted you. It's been A bit crazy. But I have time now to talk if you want to? Also sorry about the time...

Kadian: hey it's ok, So how is? You having a good time?

Shepard: am having fun, i finely got some time alone. How are you?

Kadian: did you know that cats sleep 70% of their lives!

Shepard: what?

Kadian: well you asked how I'm, I spent some time reading some other random crap online.

Shepard: oh ok, can I ask for something?

Kadian: Yeah, go head.

Shepard: Can you call me?

Kadian: like now.

Shepard: Yeah.

I dial his number, even though I have it saved. I still for some odd reason I dial it.

"Hi Shepard."

"Hi Kadian."

I don't even know what he wants, but at this point I just enjoy hearing his voice.

"Shepard, why did you want to talk to me?"

"You won't understand."

"Try me."

"I just need to hear your voice."

I Go silent, Were both on the same page. I guess am not alone in this fight.

I won't lie I may have just shed a tear.

"Kadian? You still there?"

"Yeah am still here." Am smiling, there is a huge sigh of relief.

"Am going to head to bed now, promise you'll stay on the line?"

"Always"

We both fell asleep on the line.


	6. I Need This

**Hi everyone just a little update to "across the stars" i really like where am going with this story, like you don't even know. wait till we get to summer on this story(Which is the next chapter) The summer chapters are going to be written though Shepard's eyes. that's going to be a lot of fun! So stay tune for that! Enjoy and feel free to comment!**

* * *

_'No, this isn't me _

_Go, please let me breathe _

_I'll be back sooner than you know _

_I need this space _

_Just like you need air _

_I need this time _

_Time to clear up my mind _

_Wait, did you hear that? _

_Hear my heart beat _

_I need this feeling _

_Whoa yeah, I really need this_

_You know it's not personal _

_Sorry if I'm hurting you _

_Please don't give up on me now _

_I needed this time alone _

_To know I could come back home'_

I never thought this song would have so much meaning in my life until tonight. I thought this was going to be a fun spring break, hanging out with Shepard & some friends. But looks like it's not going to be like that. Today started really nicely, I went out and had breakfast with my mother. Then I went you to get lunch with some friends.

"Hi" I hear and then see someone wave there hands to come towards me.

"Hi" I say as I walk up to them, it's my usual group of friends.

I sat with them just for a little chit-chat. We just talked about random things. I think everyone was surprised to see me speak to Liara, you know after are little fight. We made up over winter break & we've been talking ever since.

I really noticed that when I started going out with Shepard, I think I forgot about everyone else. I really let him take over my life, not that I mind. But I really started to negligent my friends.

They noticed to, but they forgave me. After all being a bit of a careless teenager is something I never do. I think with him I became a little more reckless. I guess they were right young love can be a crazy thing.

I do miss my friends though, At times they were all I had. I do love them, more then anything.

But John has taken really my life by storm, I never thought I would be one of those lovestruck teenagers. I think it's love, Because I know that he feels it to. But now am starting to wonder. Tonight he wasn't him self.

After winter break I thought we were fine, when he came back everything was better. I understood him more and so did he. At least that's what I thought. We hadn't seen each other for a few days, He had gotten sick. So I told him lets met up on the weekend, the start of spring break. I told him that we should just go to the park. Plus its the place where we had a first kiss.

We hung out times after winter break, so I really didn't know where this came from. It was so sudden. I never though it would happen. I guess being naïve and stupid is something am good at.

I stood there waiting I had walked there in the late afternoon, then sun was really going down.

I just kept waiting for him to show, I mean people can be a few minutes late. He showed a few minutes late. I could see the look in his eyes when he took off the helmet, Something was wrong.

He made his way to the bench where I was sitting, I stood up to give him a hug. He pulled away.

I just looked at him confused.

"Hi Shepard, Whats wrong?"

He kept looking around, avoiding eye contact. "Nothings wrong"

"No somethings wrong."

I heard his voice raise " Nothings wrong"

"Ok, So are you feeling better?" We both take a sit, I feel really uncomfortable. Like he scolded me for caring

"Yeah." His voice is as cold as the winter.

I place my hand on his shoulder, He wiggles free. Now am getting upset, First you won't tell me whats wrong & now you don't want to be touched.

I hear my tone change "Shepard something clearly is wrong."

He stands up and I grab his hand "Please what ever it is you can tell me."

I stand up with his back facing me. "I though we talked about this"

He turned to face me, for the first time are eyes meet. "Kaidan I need some space"

I hear my heart brake. "What do you mean?"

"I just need some space."

He starts to walk away, I grab his hand again. "Please don't go."

He turns around I see the anger in his eyes. Then it happened.

He pushed me down.

I look at him with tears in my eyes he looks down at me "Kaidan, just leave me alone."

he turns and walks away.

I lay there In shock, I really don't know what just happened. Was this my fault?

I stand up and try to brush the crap off my jacket. Why did this just happen?

Am I too over baring? Am I too much? I feel more tears come down my face, I sit down and try to clean my face up. I could not believe what happen & what the hell is "I need space". Is that some shit way to say am "Done with you"?

I grab my bag, and I see the sun is fully gone. My mother hates when I walk at night, I really don't like it either. I keep walking, with tears in my eyes. Trying to figure out what I did wrong. I keep walking then I notice a car slowly pull in front of me. "Am going to die", this is how it end I had one of the worst nights of my life and now am going to die.

Then I notice it's someone I know. It's Steve, But everyone call's him Cortez. He's better friends with Shepard then with me. I really don't know him that well. To be honest, I though Shepard was more interested in him then me. But he's in a relationship, that's far rockery then mine. He's a nice kid, but I really don't know him that well.

I stand kind of crouched down so I can look in the window. He starts the conversation

Which is nice cause I have nothing to say, plus I look a mess.

"Hey, Kaidan what are you doing here?"

"Am walking home."

He looks at me confused eyes. "You know it's not that safe to be walking at night."

"Yeah I know." Right before I can even finish, "Can I give you a ride?"

"I don't want to be a bother."

"Oh it no trouble, plus I think it would be better not to see you on the 11 o'clock news."

I laugh and I get in, "Thanks." I try not to look at him.

He turns the car on again, He's not the fastest driver. I was kind of hopping for a quite car ride. I was Wong.

"What were you doing walking home this late?"

I keep looking out the window. "I was at the park."

"Oh sounds nice, what were you doing there if you don't mind me asking?"

"I was with Shepard" I think I should stop talking, I barely even know him.

"That's nice I guess, you know you two are really just made for each other. He really cares about you.

You know?"

I look at him, "Steve I know that I don't know you that well. What does "I need a break in a relationship"? Is it a break up?"

I know what I want to hear, but is here going to tell me what I want to know.

"I means they need sometime, Did Shepard tell you this?"

"Yeah, we got in to a bit of a fight and he told me he needs sometime. Is this a bad thing?"

"Well it really depends on the person."

"Do you and James take breaks?"

"All the time" I hear his voice, I think I might have hit a nerve.

"Me and James, were always up and down. The thing about it is. His family doesn't know that he's gay, and he's afraid of what they might think of him." he continues

"James come's from a really Spanish household, and they frown upon that. I used to think he was just ashamed of me, but I think he's more ashamed of what people might think of him. Really the only people who know are people in the school. Am getting a bit tired, so I told him I needed some time.

And that's where we are now"

He looks at me, "I think you'll both work this out." then he smiles.

It gives me hope, but after tonight I think I need some space my self to figure out what happen.

He pulls up at my house, I really didn't know how he know where I lived. "How did you know I lived here?"

"Oh I dropped off Shepard once after school, and he said he lived a few houses down, then he told me where you lived."

I think he realized what I meant when I asked the question "Sorry if that's creepy."

I smile "It's ok, Thanks for the ride. Sorry I kind of dropped all my problems on you."

"No it's ok, your one of the first person I told about the James things."

we both smile. I get out of the car and I start to walk away. "Hey, Kaidan if you ever need someone to talk to am here."

I smile and thanks, we exchange numbers, then I go inside.

I drop my bag, I think my mother fell asleep watching Tv.

I grab the Tv remote and turn it off, then I wake her up.

"Hey mom am home, you can go to bed now."

She gets up and sleepily walks to her room.

I head up the stairs. I open the door and just jump in to my bed.

I really don't know what to do, I've never felt this bad after seeing Shepard.

I slip under the covers, and I try to keep my self from crying.

'I guess we both need this'


	7. Call Your Boyfriend

_**Hello everyone!**_

_** here's part one of three for the summer stories, the first two chapters are told though Shepards eyes. Then we'll return to Kadain point of view. I'm going to have some fun with the summer chapters, every teen fan-fiction I've read (At least Mshenko). There happy, I mean this story is going to have a happy ending But for now I want some pain. I want them to feel like teens, so they make mistakes, do stupid things. That's a little background on the summer chapters. I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!**_

* * *

"_Call your Boyfriend_

_It's time you had the talk_

_Give your reasons_

_Say it's not his fault_

_But you just met somebody new_

_Don't you tell him how I give you something that you never even knew you missed_

_Don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss_

_You tell him that the only way her heart will mend is when he learns to love again_

_And it won't make sense right now but you're still his friend_

_And then you let him down easy"_

I sit back waiting for him to text back, He needs to hurry am about to board my plane. I really wish he would come with me. Let's be wild for on fucking summer, Kadian just really didn't want to go. That's ok I really plan on having a good time. This is the last summer before our last year of high school. I've been thinking about just sending Kadian a plane ticket, so I can at least see him once this summer.

**'Now boarding for flight 754 to London.'**

I check my phone one last time, Nothing. I mean were okay now, we've worked it out. I guess I just needed sometime. I just feel really stupid for hurting him, I love him. I could not imagine my life at this point without him. I give the woman my ticket, then I start to make my way to my seat. I look one last time.

'One new message'

Kadian: Sorry I didn't text you earlier, my phone died. Have a safe flight, See you in two months. I love you.

I Really sets in that am going to be gone for two months. Am going to London all alone, I mean I have my grandparents who are going to care for me. But I'll be without him, I try not to need him. But am really going to miss him, I think I might just ask him to come out later, for me.

The plane ride was long, but really calm. Am glad am landing soon, I wonder what my other friends are doing this summer?

I know garrus is most likely to spend his summer with tali, Steve is going to work out his problems with James. I really can't think now, I wonder what's Kadian's doing?

I think I might call him later, I keep feeling like I have to make up for hurting him.

I wonder if he thinks I have something to prove to him. I see both my grandparents, I really don't want to talk so they just lead me to the car. Where it's just small talk.

We get to there little flat. I unpack my bags and I tell them am going to walk around.

They live in a small little town, So they gave me a metro card so I can go to the city.

The weather here is nice, it's hot but not too hot. I make it to the city, My phone starts to vibrate.

'One new message'

Kaidan: couldn't sleep, so what you doing? I hate starting the conversation. So am glad he did it

Shepard: Going in to the city.

Kadian: what time is it over there?

Shepard: I have no idea, I still have yet to change the time on my phone.

Kaidan: That should have been the first thing you should have done. I can tell he's in a good mood, he also might be laughing.

Shepard: Kadian I think you should try to go to sleep.

Kaidan: I know.

Kadian: Good night Shepard, or what ever time it is there. I love you.

Shepard: Sleep well, Night, Love you too.

I find my self in a little market/shopping plaza, There aren't many people here. It's summer, or do people have different summer break in London. Maybe they get out of school in a few days or something.

I find my self going in to this little store, A bit eccentric. They seem to sell a lot of shit here. I start to look around, Maybe I can find something for Kadian. I start looking though the racks of things, Not really seeing anything he would enjoy. Am standing in front of a mirror when I see a guy, walking up to me. Right before I turn around.

"Hi." I turn to look at him.

"Hi?" He's taller than me, brown long hair, Dark eyes and he smells amazing.

He smiles, "I've never seen you here before?"

"Am here on vacation."

"Really?"

"Yeah,"

I think he might be trying to flirt with me.

"So what's your name?"

"You first," I tilt my head and smile.

"Fine, The name's Marcus Now it's your turn."

"Shepard"

"That's sounds more like a last name?"

I laugh "Yeah it's my last name, my first name is John But I would rather be called by my last name."

He come's in closer, this is so unusual. I feel his breath on me, I feel the heat radiate off him. I should push him away, but all I want to do is bring him closer.

"So Shepard, you free tonight?" his eyes are seductive, and he's biting his lip.

I've never felt like this before. I keep thing about how I feel, But how would Kadian feel if he could see what am doing.

Is this how I make him feel?

"Shepard?"

"Yeah am sorry, am free tonight."

"Ok." He hands me a card with his number and an address on it and walks away.

I'm left smiling, but I just realized what I just said.

Maybe just once could I not fuck up and hurt Kaidan. Sometimes am my own worst enemy, Kadian's too good for me. All I am is trouble.

**Later that night-**

I like that can walk any where, The city's nice. The stars are shining tonight and, am walking to this place that Marcus told me to meet him.

I am trying to figure out why am walking to this place, it's most likely a party.

Well I was right, but I think this place might be underground. I start to walk in, I text him cause I really don't know where to go from here.

'Hey Marcus it's Shepard, Am at the place. Do I go downstairs?'

'Yeah that's where that party is. I'll wait by the door.'

I start to head downstairs, Well I can feel the music though the walls. Right as I place my hand of the doorknob, He opens the door.

He smiles "Hey, Shepard." right before I can say anything he, grabs my hand and pulls me to the center of the floor.

"I don't dance!"

"Then let me lead the way" he comes in close and starts to move.

I've never felt like this before but, I wonder is this how I make Kadian feel. I should pull away but, I want to keep going.

I feel the music pulse though me, it feels good. Too just forget about all the problems I cause, I hurt him so much but I can't let go.

I start to move, to let someone else take control. I can't help but think I, should be over the phone with my boyfriend. Not dancing with some guy I don't even know.

The light shines over his eyes. I see those eyes, they light up my night.

He leans even closer, "Lets go somewhere quieter."

"Sure"

We step out side, and he corners me putting both hands against the wall so I can't move.

"So what do you, want to do now? Cause I know what I want." he comes in closer, I feel his lips on my neck.

"Stop."

He pulls back "Why? Don't you want this?"

I sigh and look down "I have a boyfriend back home."

He smiles "You naughty boy, well I don't know what to say."

"Am sorry.."

"Why are you? Your young, on vacation. Somethings obviously wrong between you two and, you wanted a little freedom. Plus don't you think this 'guy' back home would do the same?

That's the thing Kadian would never do something like this. I move one of his hand and, start to walk away.

I really wanted to kiss him but, I love Kadian. I pull out my phone and text him.

'Hey Kadian, I love you.'

'Um.. ok Shepard? I love you too.'

**End part one**


	8. Sorry

_**Hello everyone! Here's part two, part three is coming up soon. I had a really hard time picking the name for this chapter, So I think well stick to the name 'Sorry' even though I could have called this chapter 'Freedom' or 'Ride'. I think that's about it, This chapter is a lot more intense. So enjoy and thanks for reading!**_

* * *

"_I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know_

_Please don't say you're sorry_

_I've heard it all before_

_And I can take care of myself_

_I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know_

_Please don't say 'Forgive me'_

_I've seen it all before_

_And I can't take it anymore_

_You're not half the man you think you are_

_Save your words because you've gone too far_

_I've listened to your lies and all your stories_

_You're not half the man you'd like to be"_

**Part two**

I roll around as I see the sun start to hit my eyes, slowly start to open my eyes, I have no idea where I am. I continue to look around, am in someone else bed. "Where am I?" I see the door open, "Good morning Shepard" I know that voice. Who's the face behind it?

Markus fully opens the door, with two mugs in his hand.

Everything inside me dies at that moment, he sits right next to me. "You want some?"

I start to shake and hyperventilate. "Shepard, What the hell is wrong with you?" He puts his hand around me, I shake it off and stand up.

"What the fuck happened last night!" my voice is raised, I think I might be yelling. Am looking right at him, with my fists clenched.

"Shepard calm down, after all you wanted it." He takes a sip of his coffee.

"WHAT!"

"Yeah don't you remember you texted me last night, asking me if we could hang out. If you want I'll show you the texts." He pulls out his phone and tosses it to me.

There all their, I did text him.

"What happened after I texted you?" I voice has returned to its normal tone.

"Well we meet at this club, you had some drinks, and we danced. Then you asked if we could go somewhere more private. So we went to my place and"

"And what?"

"We had sex."

All I can do is think about Kadian, thinking about how hurt he'll be. Am so fucking stupid...

I wipe tears from my eye, "Where are my pants?"

He can see that am close to the edge. "There under the bed"

I get down and pull them out, I slip them on. I head in to the bathroom to change. I can't even bare the though of telling him, Just to see the look in his brown eyes.

I exit out of the bathroom, "Thank you for everything" the tone in my voice is cold and condescending.

I walk out of the front door not even knowing where I am.

I hop on the metro, all I can do I look down at my phone.

Wondering what to even say to him, I look at the old history of our conversations. I can hear his voice, I remember telling him how much I love him but after this could he ever forgive me.

The ride back home is quite, I walk up to my room just to sit alone. To hear the sound of his voice bounce off the walls.

I grab my phone to call garrus, I think he might be able to help.

"Hello?"

"Shepard?"

"Yeah it's me"

"Wow it's been a month since we last spoken, Whats going on?"

"Your my friend, right?"

"Of course... What's going on?"

"I need to know if you can keep something between you and me?"

I really don't know if I really should tell anyone, But I need some help now.

"Shepard, What the hell is going on?"

I take a breath, theirs a silence between the two lines. With one last breath I just throw it out there.

"I cheated on Kadian."

There's still a silence between the two lines.

"garrus?"

"Am still here, just trying to wrap my head around what you told me. Shepard I really don't know what to say, I think maybe you should try talking to someone else? I mean I would love to help you but I, Just don't know what to say."

"I don't know who else to tell."

"Well when did this happened?"

"Last night."

"Well, are you going to tell him?"

"I really don't know."

"You know what thanks garrus , I have to go" I hang up the phone, before he even has a chance to say something.

I grab my bags, and I start to pack up somethings. I head downstairs and I take one of the keys to, the cars out front.

I toss both my bags in the back and jump in. I fix the mirror and I drive off.

"Am sorry"

I don't know where am going but I know I can't go back home.

As am driving to forget, all I can do is remember.

* * *

_I was walking around London, just thinking about him. Not Kadian, Marcus. After that night I just spend time thinking about him, I wanted to kiss him so bad and tonight am going to get what I want._

_I text him:_

_Shepard: Hey Marcus it's Shepard. Are you free tonight?_

_Marcus: yeah I remember you, Where are you?_

_Shepard: Am around London. _

_Marcus: Ok come and find me._

_Marcus: Wait before I tell you where I am, What about your boyfriend?_

_Shepard: You said it your self, Am young._

_Marcus: Ok, am at this little underground club. _

_I'm young right? I can fuck up? Make mistakes, But is it worth it to hurt someone I love._

_I always prevent my happiness, because I don't want to hurt someone else. When will I get to have fun, To be reckless, Wild, And most of all free._

_I wonder if people expect me to fuck up, and I surprise them by not. I don't want to hurt Kadian, because I know he would never hurt me. I want to take one fucking risk, Without caring about the consequences. _

_So I'll take the chance now, Feel the pain later._

_I show up at the club, I feel the music pumping from the outside._

_Shepard: Am here._

_Marcus: Let's start where, we left off. _

_He walks out, Dark hair blowing in the wind. Eyes shining in the moon light. He makes his way to me, Pulls me and just kisses me. I wanted to push him off, But one night of mistakes is ok with me._

_I don't fight it, I let him take over. He tastes like, vodka. Smells like leather, and expensive cologne. I don't care what happened after this, I got everything I wanted. _

_He grabs my hand and takes me inside. The music is pumping and he takes me to the floor._

_He dances around me, Letting me watch his every move. He keeps eyes on me, Pulls me in_

"_Am thirsty, you want something."_

"_Yeah let's get something." _

_Am not one to drink, but tonight why the hell not. He shows his ID at the bar, not that it matters. He's twenty-two. I've never been with someone older. Then again I've never been with anyone besides Kadian. _

_An hour later am dancing with him, letting the music control my every move. I let him know that, in this time. He's mine and am his. I let him put his hands all over me. I want more now. I pull him in close._

"_Let's go somewhere private?"_

"_Sure. My place fine?"_

"_Anywhere you want to take me is fine."_

_Thirty minutes later. _

_Am against his wall, both legs around his waist. _

_He has both my hands against the wall, I feel his length pressing against my stomach. He's kissing my neck, I'm moaning and we haven't even taken off our clothes._

"_Lets go to the bed." I just nod._

_He caries my to the bed, and drops me. _

_I see the lust in his eyes. He slowly starts to unbutton his shirt. Exposing a hard body. A glistening Six pack, with a strong chest. I bite my lip, "You like that?"_

"_Yes" he climbs in to the bed, takes of my shirt and stands right back up._

_I see him lean down to pick something up, It's a condom. He takes off his pants and underwear, and slips it on. _

_He walks back to the bed, and pulls me closer to the edge. Rips off my pants and my underwear. To expose my length and my backside. _

_He grabs both my legs and I feel them close to my chest. With on swift push, He's inside me._

_I through both my hands up to grab something. I'm moaning, and almost out of breath._

"_Don't hold back."_

"_I wasn't planing to." There's a lustful smile on his face right now._

* * *

I make a complete stop, I have no idea where I am...

For the first time, I'm happy about being lost

**End PART TWO ~**


	9. Take It All

_**Hey everyone, Like I promised part three. I did a footnote talking about the future of this story. Theres not really much to add but,**_ **_enjoy!_**

* * *

"_Didn't I give it all,_

_Tried my best,_

_Gave you everything I had,_

_Everything and no less?_

_Didn't I do it right?_

_Did I let you down?_

_Maybe you got too used to_

_Well, having me around._

_Still how can you walk away_

_From all my tears?_

_It's gonna be an empty road_

_Without me right here."_

* * *

_**part three**_

It's been almost a month and a few weeks since I last spoke to Shepard. I have no idea what happened, Where he is, Or why he's been gone so long. To say am worried is an understatement.

I find my self looking at the night sky, Wonder if were looking at the same star. I know he's fine, But why is he gone?

I watch the time pass, I want to wait for the afternoon to come around before I head to his parents place.

I get a text message as I grab my house keys to head outside.

Steve: He have you found where he is?

Kadian: Am heading over there now, I'll text you when I find something.

After that night, I've gotten really close to Cortez. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.

I don't like him or anything, but I think he might.

I would never hurt Shepard like that, I mean there both friends. I really don't want to talk about it, plus I have a lot on my mind now.

Am so focused on getting there, I didn't even notice it's raining. Well it's just a light shower, plus the sun's out now. I really don't know, or understand. I feel a lot of different things now. I make my way to their door, right as am about to knock. It's Edy, Shepherds mom. I put my hand down, she starts the conversation.

"Hi Kaidan, What brings you around here?"

"Hi, I wanted to talk to you, if it's no bother?"

"Kaidan, You know your always welcome here. Lets head inside." I follower in the house, I really wonder. Does she know where Shepard is?

We both sit from across each other.

"So Kadian, What's wrong?"

I sigh, I really don't know how to approach this question. I mean am 17 I shouldn't be having sleepless nights over someone. Everyone looks at teens thinking, were all the same. Sorry but am not! I care too much, I never act my age. Am different.

"Kadian?" She waves her hand to catch my attention.

"Am sorry."

"You look like you have a lot on you mind, What did you want to tell me?"

I find a hard to keep focus, I keep getting sucked back in to my head and my thoughts. I finally spit it out.

"Do you know where Shepard is.?"

"Yes," She nods her head in confusion. "he should be home soon. What's going on?"

I look down, I see that am messing around with my hands. Am nervous, and unconformable.

"It's just that, we haven't spoken in over a month. I thought something was wrong."

She smiles and stands up, she moves to sit next to me. She pats me on the back.

"Oh honey. He's fine, but am glad you care so much to come by."

I stand up, "Thanks for taking the time to talk to me"

She walks me to the door, "Oh don't worry, Anytime."

I make it back to my house. I climb in to bed, looking at my phone screen. Letting silence full the room, as am alone with all my darkest thoughts.

Is this my fault? Did I cause this? I mean the last time we spoke, it was a really happy conversation. He was telling about London, and how he found somethings that I would like.

I just feel like this is all my fault, but as soon as I think that. I haven't done anything!

I guess I'll wait when he comes home.

I hear the wind blow outside, the tree is tapping on my window. It woke me up, I turn over to look at the clock. It's three.

I hate that tree, I grab my pillow and cover my face.

It keeps going, But theirs a rhythm to it. Am starting to think it's not a tree.

I stand up, and wrap the blank it around me. I lift the curtains to see what's out there.

It's Shepard, I just stand there watch him. He keeps making motions for me to open the door. For some reason, there's an anger burning inside me.

I finally open the door, "Shepard." I step aside to let him in. He takes a seat on my bed, and I stand next to the bathroom.

"Hi, Kaidan." I can tell somethings wrong, he can't keep eye contact.

"Hi, Shepard." My words are cold, For some reason I can't bare to think that this is his fault.

I hate the tone, in my voice now. I never speak to him like this but I think anyone could tell somethings not right. I just keep watching him, waiting for him to say something.

"Kadian, we need to talk." His words hit me, I feel like my mind is drowning in so many thoughts.

"Shepard, what's going on?" I keep preying that its something good.

Before he even says anything, I feel tears falling hitting the ground. He keeps tripping on his words. What ever he has to say it's hard, for him to vocalize.

"Shepard, just say it." This waiting is killing me.

"Kadian, am sorry." There are tears in his eyes. "On this vacation, I fucked up. I don't think you'll understand."

"What did you do?"

"I slept with someone else."

I think everything inside me just crashed, there's an overwhelming cold hitting me. He stands to face me. "Kaidan am so sorry" There's a lot of emotion in his voice, the look in his eyes are begging for forgiveness.

I shrug his hands off me. I turn to face the door, exiting my room

"So this is why you haven't spoken to me."

"Well, yeah but I was also running away from everything. For the first time I felt my age, I felt free. Am always trying to make, everyone happy and I always fuck up and hurt everyone."

"Please Kaidan, try to understand. When I say sorry, I really mean it."

I don't even want to look at him, Theirs a lot running though my mind now. I'm in so much pain, Everything hurts. I feel stupid for trusting him, putting my love and faith in someone.

Am angry.

"Kaidan, Please say somethings"

I look down, trying to find the right thing to say but what is the right thing? Do I take is apology? Or do I tell him to leave?

Before I plan to even say anything the words escape my mouth.

"Shepard, I want you to leave. I don't to see you for a long fucking time."

I turn around and point to door.

"Kadian Please."

"Leave"

we both just stare at each other. There's a lot of pain, in his eyes. While in mine, there's an anger burning in inside me.

Without even thinking I punched him. I knocked him to the ground. I hear the thump on the ground, as he falls.

He just looks at me, his looks completely confused. To be honest so am I, but did I really want to fucking do that.

For him to even imagine the pain am in. It feels like someone took my heart and smashed it with a hammer.

"Leave Shepard." I keep trying to keep my head held high, But I just really want to break down.

He stands theirs, such a sadness in his eye. I hurts to see, but he'll never understand how I feel.

I walk to the door and close it, I also close the curtains.

I climb back in to bed, only to find me self having no idea what to do with myself.

I want to cry, but I also what hurt someone. There's just so much am feeling now and I want nothing to do with any of these feelings.

Take them all away...

**Two weeks later. **

It feels like, I haven't moved from this bed. I just lay here, watching the time pass and all I can think about. How is he doing? For the first time, we might feel the same.

I've missed my first week of school, but I'm going back this up coming Monday.

Cortez is filling me in on what's going on. Apparently Shepard also been a nohow.

My mother keeps checking on me, as if anything has changed. She keeps promising, that these feeling will pass. That it will get better. It's been two weeks almost, almost nothing has changed.

When people talk about heartbreak, they say of course it hurts. Never did I imagine it would hurt this much.

Part of me never wants to love again, and the other half agrees.

**End of series one of across the stars!**

* * *

_**Hello everyone, So here's the end of series one! am spitting them up in to two series. So as you could tell one, was about their second to last year in high school. the next on (Two) will take place on their last year of high school. This chapter was really just a lot. So do you think Shepard and Kaidan**_ _**will work it out? Or will they just move on?**_

_**Oh and just one last thank you!**_

_**oh! also forgot i will be doing a playlist of all the song titles for this story. If your interested, feel free to check out my tumblr page. I'll be doing that soon. **_


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